Target Mom

I met a mom at Target today. The first time I saw her she was putting her baby back in her stroller in the bathroom. Just having had her diaper changed, the babe was not happy about going back in her seat. My girls and I went in our stall and took care of business, G and I remarking on how it sounded like a tiny baby and how when E cries she sounds like a "big, big baby."

After washing our hands and exiting the bathroom I saw the mom again. This time sitting on a bench just inside the store's main entrance. Hidden from shoppers unless they themselves were answering the call of nature. She had her head tucked down, like she didn't want anyone to see her face. The baby was still crying, even though her mom had a bottle in hand ready and trying to feed her. We walked past to grab a cart, but never made it that far. Something about the mom made me want to sit. To help. To hold the baby and let her mommy cry. I've been there. I've SO been there. Maybe that's why I wanted to help so bad. Awkwardly, my girls and I sat next to her on the bench. All the while, I'm praying internally for Him to give me the words to say. "Let me be an encouragement. Let me help her. Being a mother is hard, help her know she's not alone. Please don't let this be weird."

I'm not even sure how I started a conversation with her. I think I just sat down next to her, put G between us and started talking to G about how cute and little the baby was. Eventually the mom and I started talking. I think I asked her how old the baby was, 7 weeks, and what her name was, Eliza. G and I then commented on how we knew another baby named Eliza, she's my cousin's baby.

I asked her if she was ok and she gave me the standard "oh ya, I'm fine" while hiding her face and wiping her tears. Why wouldn't she? I'm some strange lady who just sat down next to her and tried to start a conversation. She told me about how she used to work in daycare and how it was totally different now that it's her own. I told her I completely agreed, and that I also worked in daycare before having my children. I told her she was doing a good job and that it does get easier. She asked me what helped me and I told her about Mops and how it was nice to talk to women who had been where I was and were going through the same things. She said they had it at the church she used to go to but the one they attend now didn't have it because it was too small.

I found out her and her husband go to a foursquare church in the Mountlake Terrace area. We talked about our churches. We chatted about her husband, he's from Florida, and where she grew up, Monroe, where they lived now, and how she was trying to go to school online to get her degree. All while she was trying to feed and burp her sweet baby. I talked to Eliza about how cute she was, how she was supposed to be a happy girl for her mommy and take it easy on her while they were out and about. G sat and played Ant Smasher on my phone, E slept in her carseat next to me.

Eventually Eliza calmed down and ate and pooped. As we were parting ways, her to change a diaper, me to finish shopping, the mom thanked me for talking to her and told me it helped to talk to someone, even if it was a stranger. I told her she was welcome and that if she ever wanted to come to Mops where and when our group met. I told her she was doing a good job and to hang in there. I didn't even get her name but I've spent the rest of the day praying for her and her sweet Eliza. Praying it was enough, that I was able to lift her up, even if it was only a little. Praying that she finds a place to get connected with other moms, that she knows she's not alone. That her and her precious baby know they are loved, even if it is by some weird lady who just sat down and forced her to have a conversation with her.

Shalom

Grace turns four in two days. Her party is three days after that. I'm a little stressed. 50 people so far are coming with another 10-20 possible. Needless to say I've been a little stressed on how to feed that many people on a budget. Church on Sunday was about peace. There is no way I could dive into everything Pastor Jim covered here so I'm just going to encourage you to listen to it. It's good. You can find it here once it is uploaded to the website: http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/new-life-church-everett/id122166998

On the way home from church, I was again thinking about what to serve, how to get it there, how messy it will be, etc, etc. Steve got a verse a day flip calendar for Christmas and I've really enjoyed reading the topics everyday. After I got home I was just going about my day still kinda thinking and processing how and what to do when I realized I hadn't changed the day over.

Here is what it said:

"The wisdom that comes from God is first of all pure, then peaceful, gentle and easy to please" James 3:17

"The heart of Jesus was pure. The Savior was adored by thousands, yet content to live a simple life...Jesus' heart was peaceful. The disciples fretted over the need to feed thousands, but not Jesus. He thanked God for the problem. The disciples shouted for fear in the storm, but not Jesus. He slept through it. Peter drew his sword to fight the soldiers, but not Jesus. He lifted his hand to heal. His heart was at peace."

Something I didn't even realize until right now, Grace's story in Sunday School was about how Jesus fed thousands with one basket of bread and fish. Okay God, I'm getting it.

Thank you for continuing to reveal yourself to me. Thank you Jesus my child is so loved that over 50 people would want to come and celebrate her. Give me peace in planning and throwing her party. Thank you for the food we will eat, help me not to stress about having enough. Thank you for blessing us with people who love us in spite of our weaknesses.

I'm going to hang the pictures Gracie colored in class by the food as a reminder that God provides.

Confessions

1. I can't sleep with socks on.

2. When I load the silverware in the dishwasher, I put one piece in each spot and then circle around so all the spots have the same number of pieces in them.

3. I love washing and drying laundry but I hate folding and putting it away.

4. I freakishly enjoy scraping ice off the windows of my car. (Like, I would love to not park in the garage so that I have ice to scrape)

5. I can't wait to have grey hair and wrinkles.

6. I would love to be a surrogate someday.

7. I'm addicted to Fruit Ninja

8. I like to have the volume on even numbers. If it's on an odd number, I change it. 5's are ok because they can be easily divided. 7 is fine. If it's on 6 I change it to either 5 or 7. (only true for single digits, 16, 26, 36, etc are fine, 17, 27, 37, etc are not. 15, 25, 35 etc are still ok. Get it?)

9. I still love watching my wedding slideshow.

10. I am addicted to aprons. I have at least 5. (and I don't wear them that often)

11. When I light a candle, I burn both ends of the match because if I don't I feel like I'm wasting it.

12. I am so competitive at games I've had people say they won't play with me anymore.

13. I was not prepared for how constant being a mom is. There are no vacation or sick days. No "15's" or lunch breaks.

14. I hate that I yell at my children

15. I don't do well with lack of sleep.

16. I am not a nice person in the middle of the night.

17. I hate breastfeeding.

18. I have been diagnosed with Postpartum depression.

19. I feel so shamed by number 18.

20. I am lonely most of the time.

21. I have a deep desire to have close friends. The kind of friends that are so close they are like an extension of my family.

22. I love my sisters. They make me who I am. I don't have to say anything and they get it. They get me. They know my past (and my present for that matter) and they still love and accept me.

23. I really enjoy being involved with Mops at my church. I would love to be closer to a lot of the women there.

24. Most of the time I am ok with my body. Even if it is 70lbs heavier than when I was in high school.

25. I love having things that belonged to my family. My grandparents dining room table, my grammie's jewelry box from Japan, my grandpa's rocking chair, a bookshelf Steve's grandpa made. I feel closer to them just having these things in my home.

26. I want another baby but the thought of having a boy scares me after having two girls.

27. I love snuggling.

28. Someday I want a house with a big front porch and lots of parking so I can have people over.

29. My husband is a better cook than I am... and I'm ok with that.

30. I like watching football and by "watching football" I mean having it on the t.v. while I do other things and randomly check the score.

31. I love planning parties. Birthday parties, baby showers, bridal showers, you name it, I like it!

32. I can't wait to be a grandma someday.

33. I know Gods not done working in me.

Big Girl Bed

It's official!

Gracie is in a big girl bed! The transition was awesome. She LOVES her new bed!!!

I think she would let Ellie sleep with her every night if we would let them. :)

Blerg-ity Blerg blerg blerg

Ha! I just installed the blogger app on my phone thinking I should get back into posting and look what I find! An unpublished post from almost exactly two years ago! Wow how life has changed! Hopefully I'll give you a much more updated update soon for now, enjoy this old jem. :)

That's kinda how I feel lately. Not very much is going on but at the same time I feel like I haven't had time to just relax. Is that just life with two kids? Don't ask me, I really couldn't give you a straight answer at this point.

Okay! Enough about how blah I feel and onward to the info I know you are all DYING for. Ellie is now almost five months old. I can't believe how fast it has gone! I can't believe its been 5 months but at the same time I can't remember what life was like before she got here. Although I do remember that I was more rested... I'm up to two, sometimes three cups of coffee a day. Ouch. She used to be a good sleeper. She was going between 7 and 11 hours between feedings and now she's up every 2 1/2-4 hours. Reflux has been fun. Her medicine made her constipated, so we stopped giving that to her. The constipation seemed to bug her more than the reflux so I figure I can deal with lots of spit up and just do lots of the girls' laundry. Blerg. Ellie got her first tooth on the 6th of September. Wow. Way earlier than Gracie. She was like 9 months old when she got her first.

Grace is a silly and opinionated three year old. I don't think I will ever understand how someone can make me die laughing one second and make me want to pull my hair out the next. I can tell you one thing for sure, I'm glad she has her silly and goofy side otherwise I don't think we'd make it through the grouchy times. Steve and I are learning more about her everyday and trying to turn what we learn into ways to help her be a well rounded person. It is not easy, that's for sure!

I'm amazed at how different my girls are already. They do have quite a bit in common but they are their own person!!! Gracie was such an easy baby, slept though the night at less then 8 weeks, didn't spit up much at all, super easy going. She is however, a challenging preschooler. Ellie is a little more work. She still doesn't sleep though the night, she has reflux so she's constantly spitting up and she knows what she likes and wants and has no problem letting you know if it's not right. We'll she how is as she gets older. She is also very happy. It doesn't take much to get a smile or a laugh from her. Grace is the same way. I feel blessed to have such happy children in spite of all the rough parts.

Both of my girls have this really high pitched scream when they're upset. I literally have a physical reaction to it in my brain. I don't know how or why my mom had as many as she did. I'm overwhelmed with my two I can't imagine raising 7!

Ellie's Arrival

I'll try to leave out the most graphic of details for the squeamish but still try to give an accurate account of Ellie's arrival into the world. Here goes:

Ellie had been consistently measuring 2 weeks big for about a month. Then she measured four weeks big. We decided to induce. (I would rather induce labor then need a c-section cause she got stuck) We were scheduled to be at the hospital at 5:30am on April 13th (my 25th birthday). Gracie stayed the night with Auntie Kari so We wouldn't have to worry about getting her up and out the door that early. Steve and I got to the hospital on time and spent the first 25 minutes in the waiting room. Our nurse came and got us settled in room 327, our home for the next 2 and a half days. Dr Wong hadn't left orders for how he wanted to induce so we had to wait for him to come on shift at 7am. It didn't seem to take too long because they had to do my iv and such. Pitocin was started at about 9 and things got rolling.

Dr Wong checked me at about noon (when he had been hoping to break my water) and I was still only dilated to 2cm. He told me he'd be back in the evening and we'd probably be able to do it then. It started to look like we were in it for the long haul. From that point on my blood pressure was pretty high. At one point they had to stop allowing visitors in the room because the nurse was worried I would start having seizures if it didn't go down. Crazy scary. I decided I wanted the epidural before Dr Wong broke my water because my contractions were already getting intense and it would only get worse once my water broke. At about 6ish in the evening the epidural doc came in. She was planning on doing an epidural and a partial spinal block (in case I needed an emergency c-section it would be easier to already have the spinal) but my body wasn't appreciating the spinal. She couldn't get it placed without sending "zingers" up my back so we didn't do it. Oh well.

The 7pm nurse change was interesting. With Gracie all my nurses had been women and so far all my nurses had been women but at 7:00 in walks this 6 foot something 200ish pound man telling me he's my new nurse. Awk-ward! He introduced himself as Dave and said he knows he doesn't look like your typical labor and delivery nurse but that he had delivered over 2,000 (yes, 2,000!) babies. I decided we'd be ok. After all my doctor was a man so what's the big deal if my nurse was too? Steve and I actually really enjoyed having him as our nurse. For those of you that don't know me well you might not know that I am prone to high emotion (shocker) so having 3 men who are all very logical and matter of fact was refreshing, and might I add, very calming.

At about 1:15am on the 14th my epidural wore off and the anesthesiologist had to come back in to try and get it under control.

I must admit, from the very beginning of my pregnancy I had

said I either wanted to wait a little longer this time before getting

the epidural or that my body would move so quickly that there

wouldn't be time for one. I felt like I jumped to it quickly with

Gracie (though at the time I didn't think so) and wanted

to experience more of my labor un-medicated.

Little did I know I would get both.

Honestly, the contractions were painful but not as bad as I had envisioned them to be. My pain level only when up to "8" for whatever that's worth to any of you. Nothing like "the worst pain imaginable" people describe labor to be and for that reason I don't think the epidural had worn completely off. By 1:30 Dave had checked me and I was at 6cm. Are you kidding me!? Around 1:40 something Steve texted my mom letting her know where we were at cm-wise and after that things moved too quickly to keep anyone updated. They were trying everything to get the epidural to work. She was giving me big doses at a time to try and boost it to catch up to my body, they tried switching my positions to let gravity help. Nothing was working.Then they dropped the feet off my bed and sat my head as far up as it could go and it still didn't work. At that point she was thinking maybe the tube in my back had moved slightly so the medicine wasn't going right where it needed to be. so they laid me back down and had me roll on my side. As soon as she got the tape off my back the contractions stopped being painful and all I felt was crazy intense pressure. Dave checked me and said she was ready to come out. "She's right there. Don't move, I'm going to call Dr. Wong" It was 2am.

At that point the anesthesiologist said "Well, I'm gonna get out of here and let you have a baby" With that she was gone. Dr. Wong came in, got dressed in his "delivery suit" as I like to call it, (It included booties that went up to his knees, thank goodness!) they raised my bed, took off the foot of it and by 2:24am I was holding my 9 pound 1 ounce 20 inch long baby. At 2:25 she peed on me.

Because they had worked so hard to get my epidural working again I had to wait a long time for it to wear off after she was born. When I finally was ready to stand up Dave was having me take it really slowly. He kept saying "go slow, let your body adjust, you've been sitting a long time. I don't want you to fall and crack your head on the floor"

Here is where I am REALLY thankful for a male nurse.

After I had Gracie I hopped out of bed like it was no big deal so I was expecting to be able to do the same thing this time. Wrong. Like I said, Dave was having me take it really slowly and honestly I should have listened better instead of pushing myself, expecting the same thing from after Grace.

Mild inappropriate content-only because it involves me on the toilet.

So, I made it too the bathroom and onto the toilet ok, but after that things went downhill fast. Got myself cleaned up and Dave was getting me ready "slowly, when you feel ready, no rush" to go back to bed when I started getting dizzy. I told him I thought I needed to sit there for a minute and that I felt light headed. Luckily the nurse that gives the babies their baths had just gotten there. Dave had her stand by me for a second to make sure I didn't fall (Steve said by then I had turned white as a sheet) and he went to push the call button for another nurse. When the nurse at the desk answered, he asked for ammonia snaps and almost instantly two other nurses were in the bathroom with us. About 30 seconds later a nurse came in with the smelly salts and he made me sniff them...twice. Can I just say they burn!? I felt like once was enough and put up a small protest about having to do it again but ultimately I obeyed, I didn't want to pass out any more than he wanted me to pass out. Steve said the color started in my nose and spread to the rest of my face. After that Dave held one arm, a nurse held the other arm and another nurse all followed me back to the bed.

We went home Friday mid-morning and Steve had the next two weeks off. It was awesome!

I can't believe it's been almost 8 weeks since she was born. I can barely remember what life was like before we had two. A little quieter maybe,, less busy. I got more sleep for sure! Over all she's a really great baby. At night we go between 5 and 7 hours between feedings so I really can't complain too much. I know some people aren't that lucky.

Hopefully I'll be able to update the blog a bit more now that things are starting to settle down. Sorry for such a long post. Thanks for sticking with me through it!

Grandpa

I don't know if it's because I'm pregnant or if it's because there is a man that sits in front of me at church who looks like him, or what but lately I have been wanting to watch the slideshow from my grandpa's memorial. In our various moves we somehow misplaced the only copy we had. Luckily I have a techy husband who not only made the slideshow but was wise enough to save a copy of it on one of our many hard drives. After causally mentioning once or twice that I wanted to watch it, he lovingly burned me another copy and left me alone to watch and cry.

It's the type of video I like to watch every once in awhile, but not everyday due to the obvious emotional response it generates for me. Gracie on the other hand, finds a movie she likes and wants to watch it everyday for weeks at a time. She likes this "movie". I have since watched it about 4 times in the last week so I shouldn't have been surprised when "out of nowhere" I had an overwhelming desire to hug my grandpa. To the point that it brought me to tears. It has been just over four years since he passed away. He was almost 69. I miss him.