March 20, 2012

Target Mom

I met a mom at Target today. The first time I saw her she was putting her baby back in her stroller in the bathroom. Just having had her diaper changed, the babe was not happy about going back in her seat. My girls and I went in our stall and took care of business, G and I remarking on how it sounded like a tiny baby and how when E cries she sounds like a "big, big baby."

After washing our hands and exiting the bathroom I saw the mom again. This time sitting on a bench just inside the store's main entrance. Hidden from shoppers unless they themselves were answering the call of nature. She had her head tucked down, like she didn't want anyone to see her face. The baby was still crying, even though her mom had a bottle in hand ready and trying to feed her. We walked past to grab a cart, but never made it that far. Something about the mom made me want to sit. To help. To hold the baby and let her mommy cry. I've been there. I've SO been there. Maybe that's why I wanted to help so bad. Awkwardly, my girls and I sat next to her on the bench. All the while, I'm praying internally for Him to give me the words to say. "Let me be an encouragement. Let me help her. Being a mother is hard, help her know she's not alone. Please don't let this be weird."

I'm not even sure how I started a conversation with her. I think I just sat down next to her, put G between us and started talking to G about how cute and little the baby was. Eventually the mom and I started talking. I think I asked her how old the baby was, 7 weeks, and what her name was, Eliza. G and I then commented on how we knew another baby named Eliza, she's my cousin's baby.

I asked her if she was ok and she gave me the standard "oh ya, I'm fine" while hiding her face and wiping her tears. Why wouldn't she? I'm some strange lady who just sat down next to her and tried to start a conversation. She told me about how she used to work in daycare and how it was totally different now that it's her own. I told her I completely agreed, and that I also worked in daycare before having my children. I told her she was doing a good job and that it does get easier. She asked me what helped me and I told her about Mops and how it was nice to talk to women who had been where I was and were going through the same things. She said they had it at the church she used to go to but the one they attend now didn't have it because it was too small.

I found out her and her husband go to a foursquare church in the Mountlake Terrace area. We talked about our churches. We chatted about her husband, he's from Florida, and where she grew up, Monroe, where they lived now, and how she was trying to go to school online to get her degree. All while she was trying to feed and burp her sweet baby. I talked to Eliza about how cute she was, how she was supposed to be a happy girl for her mommy and take it easy on her while they were out and about. G sat and played Ant Smasher on my phone, E slept in her carseat next to me.

Eventually Eliza calmed down and ate and pooped. As we were parting ways, her to change a diaper, me to finish shopping, the mom thanked me for talking to her and told me it helped to talk to someone, even if it was a stranger. I told her she was welcome and that if she ever wanted to come to Mops where and when our group met. I told her she was doing a good job and to hang in there. I didn't even get her name but I've spent the rest of the day praying for her and her sweet Eliza. Praying it was enough, that I was able to lift her up, even if it was only a little. Praying that she finds a place to get connected with other moms, that she knows she's not alone. That her and her precious baby know they are loved, even if it is by some weird lady who just sat down and forced her to have a conversation with her.

January 30, 2012

Shalom

Grace turns four in two days. Her party is three days after that. I'm a little stressed. 50 people so far are coming with another 10-20 possible. Needless to say I've been a little stressed on how to feed that many people on a budget. Church on Sunday was about peace. There is no way I could dive into everything Pastor Jim covered here so I'm just going to encourage you to listen to it. It's good. You can find it here once it is uploaded to the website: http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/new-life-church-everett/id122166998

On the way home from church, I was again thinking about what to serve, how to get it there, how messy it will be, etc, etc. Steve got a verse a day flip calendar for Christmas and I've really enjoyed reading the topics everyday. After I got home I was just going about my day still kinda thinking and processing how and what to do when I realized I hadn't changed the day over.

Here is what it said:

"The wisdom that comes from God is first of all pure, then peaceful, gentle and easy to please" James 3:17

"The heart of Jesus was pure. The Savior was adored by thousands, yet content to live a simple life...Jesus' heart was peaceful. The disciples fretted over the need to feed thousands, but not Jesus. He thanked God for the problem. The disciples shouted for fear in the storm, but not Jesus. He slept through it. Peter drew his sword to fight the soldiers, but not Jesus. He lifted his hand to heal. His heart was at peace."

Something I didn't even realize until right now, Grace's story in Sunday School was about how Jesus fed thousands with one basket of bread and fish. Okay God, I'm getting it.

Thank you for continuing to reveal yourself to me. Thank you Jesus my child is so loved that over 50 people would want to come and celebrate her. Give me peace in planning and throwing her party. Thank you for the food we will eat, help me not to stress about having enough. Thank you for blessing us with people who love us in spite of our weaknesses.

I'm going to hang the pictures Gracie colored in class by the food as a reminder that God provides.




January 23, 2012

Confessions

1. I can't sleep with socks on.
2. When I load the silverware in the dishwasher, I put one piece in each spot and then circle around so all the spots have the same number of pieces in them.
3. I love washing and drying laundry but I hate folding and putting it away.
4. I freakishly enjoy scraping ice off the windows of my car. (Like, I would love to not park in the garage so that I have ice to scrape)
5. I can't wait to have grey hair and wrinkles.
6. I would love to be a surrogate someday.
7. I'm addicted to Fruit Ninja
8. I like to have the volume on even numbers. If it's on an odd number, I change it. 5's are ok because they can be easily divided. 7 is fine. If it's on 6 I change it to either 5 or 7. (only true for single digits, 16, 26, 36, etc are fine, 17, 27, 37, etc are not. 15, 25, 35 etc are still ok. Get it?)
9. I still love watching my wedding slideshow.
10. I am addicted to aprons. I have at least 5. (and I don't wear them that often)
11. When I light a candle, I burn both ends of the match because if I don't I feel like I'm wasting it.
12. I am so competitive at games I've had people say they won't play with me anymore.
13. I was not prepared for how constant being a mom is. There are no vacation or sick days. No "15's" or lunch breaks.
14. I hate that I yell at my children
15. I don't do well with lack of sleep.
16. I am not a nice person in the middle of the night.
17. I hate breastfeeding.
18. I have been diagnosed with Postpartum depression.
19. I feel so shamed by number 18.
20. I am lonely most of the time.
21. I have a deep desire to have close friends. The kind of friends that are so close they are like an extension of my family.
22. I love my sisters. They make me who I am. I don't have to say anything and they get it. They get me. They know my past (and my present for that matter) and they still love and accept me.
23. I really enjoy being involved with Mops at my church. I would love to be closer to a lot of the women there.
24. Most of the time I am ok with my body. Even if it is 70lbs heavier than when I was in high school.
25. I love having things that belonged to my family. My grandparents dining room table, my grammie's jewelry box from Japan, my grandpa's rocking chair, a bookshelf Steve's grandpa made. I feel closer to them just having these things in my home.
26. I want another baby but the thought of having a boy scares me after having two girls.
27. I love snuggling.
28. Someday I want a house with a big front porch and lots of parking so I can have people over.
29. My husband is a better cook than I am... and I'm ok with that.
30. I like watching football and by "watching football" I mean having it on the t.v. while I do other things and randomly check the score.
31. I love planning parties. Birthday parties, baby showers, bridal showers, you name it, I like it!
32. I can't wait to be a grandma someday.
33. I know Gods not done working in me.